BlueBoy!!

Going to a gaybar is kinda new to me.. So i decided to take up on my friends invitation to go to BlueBoy.. Okay, BlueBoy is most closely descibd as Malaysia's oldest gay discotheque.. Still the thought of me going in there was quite unnerving.. Man was I in for a suprise. thinking that it would be mostly filled with old guys.. hehe.. it was filled with a surprising mix of age groups.. My date who I happen to meet formally that night showed me around to a couple of guys that were regulars.. man were those boys cute.. well nothing really was outstanding but it had the feeling of being permanant.. like these boys will forever be here.. or that gays would still be coming here when I'm gone.. A nice thought to have a gay landmark?? Well the music was trans/disco which is not my usual thing being that i'm used to R&B.. But nevertheless it did not stop me from trying to dance. I must stress the trying as i was not even close to being a good dances in this arena.. Owh the boys dancing had my eyes glued (a private fantasy has been always to see cute boys dancing together, young love on the dance floor) funny how such a beautiful moment may last only a few minutes but the theme gets repeated all nite with different partners.. Overall it was a memorable event.. NITE!!

Preparing for todays Open House!! while getting a little buzzed..

okay.. i just got back like 6am this morning and i'm up by 8:30am to prepare the open house.. kinda a hectic day.. thankfully i have a friend in Absolut Peach Vodka.. mind u i'm not one to drink early in the morning..but the situation called for a mild dose of liquor.. A splash of that vodka.. fill it with ice and coverit with 7-up.. Now i'm pleasantly on a mild high.. nothing that'll make me drunk but enough to get me going..

Now my friends will ask me what the hell i'm doing getting a drink at my parents house.. I seriously dunno.. Will need to re-look at things.. Anyways, i might actually need to go for an AA meeting..

Final Night in HatYai..

Traditionally in my family Raya would go amiss without us stopping for a few nights in Hat Yai.. As we've been living there for a few years in my youth.. we would go back to kl from Bangkok driving down to Songklar.. stopping by HatYai and finally making our way back to kl.. Thus after we moved back to Malaysia we decided to go back to HatYai every year.. Firstly it was to renew our car tax as we braught back out thai plated car.. from there it just became tradition.. Having came here for the food.. HatYai has become a place to go if i ever need a short vacation.. Food, shopping and just relaxing at the hotel is a known comfort to me.. Something that has become dependable..

So as i write this down.. thanks to the free wi-fi provided by the Hotel.. I look into the past an though it may never seem much of a place to that where I've been.. It's still a place where i shall return to..

My one and only gurl!!

A shout-out to my gurl Ain wherever u are.. My dear, my heart misses u presence.. This line of passion that we secretly shared from the moment we meet could never be erased from any distance or that of any other boundaries.. u’ve seen me at my worst and I’ve seen urs.. this Raya I’m thankful of ur unfailing support.. a gurl like u comes only once in a lifetime..

Luv ya to peaces gUrL!!

Favourite Raya message:-

Hari Raya untuk adik-adik bermaksud:

1. Bersolat sunat raya
2. Bermaaf-maafan
3. Cover-cover depan parents
4. Pakai baju melayu segala tapi tetap pakai lipgloss serta foundation
5. Usha sepupu-pupu yang hensem, pastu bersalam lama-lama pulak
6. Memakai keronsang yang over kat songkok
7. Mengambil kuih dengan jari-jemari yang lentik
8. Berjumpa dengan makcik-macik yang bermulut lahanat
9. Yang penting ko tetap voque dan vass.. TAPI.. kalau ko jenis yang str8act tetap maintain giler-giler..

SELAMAT HARI RAYA U ALLS!!

Selamat Hari Raya!!

Bonne Aidilfitri!
A mes amir..
Pardonne-moi si j’ai fait puelque chose blessant..
“Désolé zahir et batin”
Bises,
Matt

Is it Over?

Exams are finally over and the holiday depression starts!! I’m kidding but only by half!! I’ve made mistakes in my life but never one this BIG or this Stupid.. In one moment of weakness I’ve destroyed the one good thing I had going and also hurt a person in doing so.. How can one forgive oneself in such a festive moment..? U dread not hearing from that beloved thinking no matter what you say and do to redress that wrong U will never be forgiven.. U hang by a thread thinking all the possible scenarios.. Resort to reading a book only to find that of all lucks it represents your story albeit in a different venue and circumstances.. the sheer closeness of the issue grabs u.. I shall miss the companionship.. It is a lesson learned.. Hopefully this boi shall grow and not make this same mistake..

Birthday Boi!!

Yup I’m finally 20.. A year more till I’m legally old enough register and go out clubbing.. Ah but who to vote for.. As of this moment none seem at all beneficial to my community or that of the people at large.. Well I would like to thank Rema for the wonderful Pizza we had and to Sonia for taking me out and spending the evening with me and sorry for going out in that ungodly hour..

Feeling emo.. with you gone.. Awaiting ur return my love!!

All At Sea by Richard Walters

Silence is empty, filled with breaths from mouths
that never move no more

she talked some more, she talks now

and all the lights went out in empty rooms
and now the empty hall

I talk alone, i talk now

And all I wanted was a Chance to see you anyway

hold me, fold me up in your arms
faster, my love, sinking and gone

I was aware the time, I was a son before i met you dear

I talk alone, i talk now

and all the lights go out in empty rooms
and now the dirty hall

I talked alone, I talk now
And all I wanted was a Chance to see you anyway

Hold me, fold me up in your arms
Faster, my love, shrinking and gone

Hold me, my love
Telling me don't be afraid
Wouldn't you want me to swim
Wouldn't you want me to stay?

Hold me my love
Telling me won't be afraid
Wouldn't you want me to swim
Wouldn't you want me to stay

Fuck u got to watch this clip..

Talented gaybois who hv to much time.. but seriously they are good!!

LGBT History Month..

October brings many things to me this year.. Its naturally the month of my birth.. that aside.. its also usually brings the month in which i have my finals.. (depressing how that may sound).. Raya also happens to fall in October lately.. Uhm what else.. yes for all those gays, lesbians, transgendered, bisexual. curious and all those in betweens.. the month of October happens to be the LGBT History Month.. So inlight of this i would like to leave a link for which at ur pleasure u may view the LGBT Icon of this year:

Yay!! A Treo..

Today i'm blessed with my new handphone.. Its a Treo 750 v.. Personally i hv no special use for HP or PDA's.. but the treo holds a special place at my heart.. it's msg application is simple yet has a memory which records all ur chats in one folder.. its great as all msg's with my friends and.. yes lover.. is kept into seperate folders which can be viewed historically.. and a added application enables me to chat online wherever I am.. no longer am i barred from chatting!!


I had a few PDA's in the past.. An older version of Treo.. A O2.. uhm my last hp was a soni ericson which was unfortunately took a swim in Sunway Lagoon and is currently under service.. Well i hope this one does not befall any ill's.. thanks dad for actually listening to for i want.. i must say this is a pleasant surprise!!

A day at the theme park!!

I was fortunate enough to be invited to take a few kids out for a day at the theme park.. Ethan had invited me and it was there that i met this beautiful little gurl called Tina.. Such a adorable kid.. Tina is 4 and loves chicken.. Taking the kids out were owh soo tiring.. we went swimming.. took rides and rode slides.. all in all.. I experienced the energy that a four year old had at their disposal.. ((and let me tell u.. with all the worries of safety and more i should give more credit to my parents for their patients in my upbringing..)) meet new friends.. Vennice.. Happy B'day girl!! and thanks for inviting me to that party of yours.. though we met only once.. my first impression of these people were fun!! Ash, Renuka, Vennice, Ricky and my old school chum.. Daniel.. It was a pleasure meeting u guys!! Owh and Daniel.. Thnxs for taking the pics..

Starting off:



Me and TiNa:



The GaNg:



Were off!!

Suicide.. Is it really worth it?

There was a death in IXORA apartment yesterday.. this is the second death that has taken place in my apartment building.. last year it was a boy in the boys apartment.. and now a gurl from the gurls apartment.. it seems so sensless as suicide seems to me as a cowards way out.. some say the courage to take ur life is alot.. i dissagre.. the courage to stay put in this hellhole we call life take more courage than a simple act of jumping from a building.. to know that u could have ended all ur troubles easily and still holding on to life.. now that is courage..

We have all at one point in our life hv thought of suicide.. its natural.. an easy solution that seems so ideal.. So what pulls us back from this self distruction? I ask myself.. Is it family? a loved one? nope..not strong enough.. to me.. its the desire to LIVE and go through this pain in the hopes of finding something worth living for when everything seems so bleak because if i were to let go.. what does that say about myself and my worth.. i ain't never cheap.. i have my flaws and everything.. but i can't see myself as a waste to let others pick-up after myself..

So... If u ever feel like taking that sweet life of urs.. just pick up that phone and dial 103 and ask for befrienders as advised by my lovely lecturer Mdm Flora.. personally.. i say just call any of ur pals.. go out clubbing.. have some booze if that makes u happy.. talk.. open up.. don't mess it up with what nots or what it could have been as that is the past.. just think of what u want.. how u plan to get it and set a goal... plan that long overdue vacation.. if u gona kill urself i say u damn well deserve a time out..

Love that man of mine..

Love this clip!!

MeRdEKa!!

It's our country's 50 anniversary of it's independance and here I am celebrating at PureBar counting down the final secomds with my friends.. After all that our country has been through.. The GOOD and the BAD.. It is truely remarkable the strides that has taken place and how far we've come.. Dancing to our country's independance may not be the idealistic way of celebrating but as we'd just finnished our criminal paper it fealt great..

I was tempted into pondering one question that night.. What state will our country be in in the next 50 years.. Will our country be totally different? Will the cultures of this country be assimilated? Will such unity still exist?

As for now.. I shall enjoy this celebration and leave these thoughts for another day..

Boy Meets Boy

The story of my life.. Or so I had hoped and dreamed in my childhood.. it sounds simple enough but life never is.. We meet people along the way.. Some we charish moments together that may last a time while others its just a moment of a fleeting shared glance..

Its wonderfull to feel these emotions and also hurtful when it ends.. I remember staring into this guys eyes once.. It was a long stare we shared that lasted a little to long to be normal.. Such bliss and mystery it gave me in my years of solitude in search of my man to come.. It was not the fact that i did not get meet that guy.. but the shared glance was enough to give me hope for things to come..

I am reminded on a book on young love.. As the title of this blog suggest its called Boy Meets Boy by David Levthan.. Such a simple sweet book that won my heart.. A book i wished i had as a boy growing up..


When u think on it.. Is gay love really different from that of str8t love?

Back to school... that we call life!

Owh.. life is full when ur busy and can't seem to find the time for urself... Assignments, friends, research, reports.. Ain't life grand!! Student life seems so leisurely, u don't have to worry about bills, mortgage, any of those mundane stuff that are associated with adulthood.. But it is easily forgotten by our parents what it was like to feel young.. the yearning to do stuff. To make our own mistakes.. to feel in love and not feel alone.. We make our stand.. each generation doing it differently from the past.. each of us trying to make our mark.. Being different is nothing new.. it is that we rise above ourselves and try to make a difference that we truly define ourselves.. hum.. who am I to judge.. made my share of mistakes.. and I’ll probably make more.. hopefully I’ll learn from the past.. but the mistake is mine to make, for how else am I to learn?

Musings of a young man..

I feel like there's something missing... the second foot hasn't fell.. the quite before the storm.. I feel people are holding out on me.. I felt the week was great but that it was not over.. my world is this expanding bubble that is about to burst but just wouldn't... I am in anticipation of a certain disaster.. i'm feeling so pessimistic and yet I can't help myself.. feeling hopeless in this situation.. An impending disaster? Only time will tell..

Is there trust here? I feel like every turn is a pitfall.. will a small mistake will be the end of me? No one is telling the truth or are they keeping it to themselves? Why can’t they be open.. communication is key rite? Can there ever be trust? To hell with this..

A Firts Date..

These feelings of insecurity is always prevalent before I go on a date.. So freaking nervous that I resort to calling my friends just to pass the time till that moment approachers.. I mean in these days and times online dating is not a big deal.. U exchange pics.. Make a few calls and then u meet.. But i must say.. This was a first for many.. First it was one of the fastest that i set a date for which we would meet up.. Another is that this guy did not plan to get into my pants on the first date... Big potential there.. Uhm.. what else? even after a day i still have that uplifting feeling.. Well a dinner followed by ice-cream seems like a typical date but for me it was a milestone as i for one hv never been in any sort of date let alone a relationship.. This is a first of first in the hopes that there'll be more to come.. So I'll leave it there.. For now!!